May 28, 2008

torn between two plumbers

Well, there were two. There are many more now.

Every time my neighbor takes a shower, I end up with a lake on my bathroom floor.

So, I called Plumber #1, who was highly recommended by a friend. Plumber #1, however, was not able to take on any work because his trusted assistant plumber had left town suddenly and without notice after discovering that his girlfriend was running around with another man. Since he was over-booked and under-staffed, Plumber #1 suggested I call Plumber #2.

I did, and Plumber #2 came right over and attempted to fix the problem. But, alas, it was not fixed and when I called him again to report this, he suggested I call Plumber #1, because it was his shoddy work way back when, that has caused this in the first place. While not using those words exactly, I called Plumber #1 again and asked if he could resolve the problem. He was very unhappy that Plumber #2 had called his work into question and I got the sense that I would get nowhere with Plumber #1. Both plumbers, however, did tell me to call them back in the morning, but I knew they were just leading me on.

Realizing I had innocently placed myself squarely in the middle of a showdown between Plumber #1 and Plumber #2, the next morning I called Plumber #3, who came right over.

Plumber #3 was as nice as he could be, but wondered why I had not called Plumber #1. I had, I said, as well as Plumber #2, but I was done with both of them and was pinning my hopes on Plumber #3. Well, this was not his area of expertise, Plumber #3 told me, but he placed phone calls to Plumber #4 and Plumber #5, leaving messages for both of them to get in touch with me. And with that, Plumber #3 bid me farewell and wished me luck.

I waited all day for Plumber #4 and Plumber #5 to call, but they never did. So, I called Plumber #6, whose wife immediately summoned him to the phone. However, he did not think the course of action recommended by Plumber #3 was the right course and I should call Plumber #2 and ask him to have another go at it. And he too, inquired whether I had called Plumber #1.

Seems Plumber #1, who had been left short handed on account of his helpers no-good cheatin' girlfriend, was indeed Plumber #1 on everyone's list! I was beginning to think he held the key to all plumbing wisdom and could perform any kind of plumbing miracle. (Even though this was contrary to the opinion of Plumber #2.)

So, with some trepidation, I again called Plumber #1. My call was answered by Mrs. Plumber #1, who had such a very heavy accent that I was only able to understand a few words during the ten minutes we were on the phone together. (It seemed like so much longer). I was able to make out that she was talking about the poor huddled masses out there that are in dire need of a plumber - homes with children and poor frustrated mothers at wit's end and losing hope - people who were far worse off than me. I got the impression that Plumber #1 was so much in demand that he would never be able to come to my aid. However, his wife said she would be sure to have him call me, but I know he never will.

I don't have a plumber.
It's just me and my mop, alone, waiting for a miracle.

Maybe today?

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